Sunday, 11 June 2017


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I reverse the monsters and reveal the truth about ARNOLD K



are the entries with a dozen types going to break me? Maybe

Psionic gorillas that kidnap people and do horrible psychological experiments on them

A flightless bird like a crow that's been used to sweep chimneys. If you hate someone but are powerless to even complain about them and you instead confess your rage into a bottle or similar object, it just might hatch one day into a Grose. Grose will attempt to ruin the life of the subject with all its limited ability of mimicry, tirelessness, sneaking, and meager but hyper focused intelligence.
If destroyed it will reform unless the "incubator" no longer harbours ill will to the target.

 Found in the worst blasted hellscapes,  looks like a huge teratoma on long long warty chicken legs. Stupid as it is friendly, and doesn't seem to understand hostility. Its blood and guts create problems (both mutations and bad luck)

Still Dragon 
The opposite of a dragon is prob a smartphone app that's trying to make you a better person like a fitness or drinking water reminder. I'm just going to make dragons that are opposite of each type rather than the concept of dragon and  maybe human element based or something let's find out
No wait they going to Wurms or Wyums or big chthonic sightless things like caecilian

Vast Wurms: these are large , mainly bestial except in a few manners where they have an uncanny cunning. Each is known by its lairs and it their diffusing nature.

-- Black Dragon
Sewer Wurm
It lures people into the sewers by creating tantalizing illusio..okay yes it's Pennywise as a penis-worm. Often undetected for a long time because the type of person that follows a curvy pig into a sewer is the type possessing of such a trusting nature that their disappearance is blamed on any number of extremely likely scenarios 

-- Blue Dragon  
Dust Wurm
These move into buildings people shouldn't forget and then make everyone forget them and people drop off shameful things here in a fugue state . Confessions, murder weapons, human remains, evidences of crimes, black mail materials etc.
 The smartest of the Wurms , coiling its way endlessly through its beloved museum; a vast collection of things that despite the desperate wishes of some , cannot be forgotten. If the objects continual absences starts bringing comfort to those most shamed by it, it then becomes not precious to the Dust Wurm.
The Dust Wurm will then arrange the object to be seen, or momentary owned long enough to start tormenting again , before it steals it back.

-- White Dragon
Glass Wurm
Glass Wurms live in the reflections inside of a building and slowly influence everyone to become extremely highly strung divas. It gets Black Swan fairly quickly. Glass Wurms , mute grunting animals ,  yet follow and love the most complicated melodramas from the mirrors they swim through.

-- Green Dragon  
Rot Worm 
Live in vast middens outside or underneath populated areas.  Claim to own everything already and when they want anything they make people throw it away. Builds poorly informed replicas of the trashes origins and despairs when its replicas poor mummery becomes obvious and when they rot and break and fail. Dangerously, then will then seek out things to repair its sham worlds, repurposing tendons for hair, hoofs for faces, plates for wheels, gold for urine ...

-- Red Dragon
Ash Wurm
Will enter secretly a big forge and let itself be made into a thousand weapons and then forms again when the swords are used to conquer and burn another city in revenge. Is then seen luxuriating in the firestorms before cooling and flaking into a rain of ash. Then mote by mote it finds its way into the forges of the conquered city, as it rebuilds and prepares its own vengeance.  

Deviling Wurms are small enough to live in a heart or other organ of passion.

-- Brass Dragon 
Perverse Wurm
Source of the urge to something far not in your best interest , something destructive, spiteful, petty yet grandoise.

-- Bronze Dragon 
Desperate Wurm
When there is no hope, no hope at all, this Wurm comes to you inside with a plan 
A friend 
-- Copper Dragon 
Fear Wurm
Not panic, but careful building paranoia.

-- Gold Dragon   
Hubris Wurm
Failure is now unthinkable.

-- Silver Dragon 
Doubt Wurm
It's just a fluke . They will realize soon it was all just a fluke.

Like a grey-hound or borzoi from a distance but its hair is quickly evaporating slime and is head appears to be entirely for the nose. Can smell your memories on things, places , and people.

Dragon turtle 
Solacewing : 
a insect thing that traps you in your own private world and then lays its eggs there.

Repulsess :
Would seem to be a normal , attractive , women or man, but maybe pheromones or micro-gestures make them deeply and nauseatingly uncanny . They are just sitting there, begging you to stay for a moment and it's like someone is pouring centipedes into your ears.
(based of Emily from Desolation Jones)


Sunday, 4 June 2017


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I now begin to document Arnold K's non-pig related crimes by making opposites of monsters

Do you know the movie Cube and the passing idea that the whole thing was bureaucratic mistake that became too big to shut down so everyone kept doing their job even their job was to maintain a murder-cube in the desert? Civillians are those people . When societies reach certain densities and complexity certain jobs and professions mysteriously that are seemingly irrational, perverse , and destructive (no not advertising, but sure) .  Very little people know about these jobs , and often the only way to find out about them is to be a target for them. Nothing about Civillians is objectively different from regular humans, and yet there's something wrong or too average , or not right about them. If you have ever stumbled upon something on the internet that you can't tell if it's a spam-bot or a person, that is like a Civillian. Their conversation, beliefs , and mannerisms seem to be a slightly ill-matched collection of cliches, stereotypical behaviour, and populism. 

Asmodeus, Baalzebul, Geryon (Arch-devil) , Dispater
The Haze, arch-civillian : a infection that settles on someone and makes everyone seem like a Civillian to them , a mass of noise and shapes, not real not real even though the blood and screams seems almost real. Possible not an independent entity and a condition that happens if you kill or become too focused on Civillians.

-- Barbed (Lesser devil) 
Developer: dictate that roads and streets make dangerous runes, mazes, absurd concentrations of population, and low level malignant architecture and civil engineering . If there's paperwork saying a graveyard should be disturbed or a haunted forest pushed into, it's a Developer.

-- Bone (Lesser devil) 
Runs pawn shops that appear to the desperate offering a really good price for their most valued possession. Will then disappear somewhere else, sell that item to someone that the original seller will run into. Burglaries that turn into murders tend to happen 

-- Erinyes  
Basically the Stasi , see here 

-- Horned 
catch stray children , sell them to guilds for use as apprentices, who generally use them in really shitty jobs

-- Ice 
If you find a stolen child and then try and get them off the guilds and the guilds go well actually that's against the law, you need to pay us this prohibitive amount of money , and you think "Who would write such laws?" . Legalators.
Never anything absurd and huge , just minor , petty , laws , that cause an additional sting to any injustice.  Homosexual men let out of nazi concentration camps but then put back in prison because Homosexuality was still a crime , is a classic Legalator move.

-- Lemure
Just a regular person that seems so devoid of imagination , insight, or depth . Friendly but draining. The Co-worker you avoid but can't explain why.  Harmless except other Civillians can command them telepathically to do anything without regard for self-preservation 

-- Pit Fiend 
The source of ideas such as using lead for drinking cups, feeding cow brains to cows, adding radium to everything. Never around when the corpses/mutations/insect swarms start to mount up.

Burgress Shale Arthopods, but they take the place of common animals that live in and around human homes like rats, bats , cats, mice , roaches

Displacer beast:


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this photorealistic pokemon stuff is easy

Carrion crawler 
Egg Maker: 
It's like that creepy pokemon chansey , it hugs people and holds them in its extremely rubbery body until they are too tired to fight back , then it puts them in an egg. They will stay in the egg unharmed until hatched. This tends to cause some aspects of their personality to drastically change

Catoblepas :
Like Jellyfish but also a hot air balloon . If ruptured (which is easy to do) pops gas everywhere that brings everything to life that used to be alive , including currently being digested food, leather, dead wood, hair, old bones etc. Things brought to life that have extremely limited mobility options tend to form up with other similar organisms making colony organisms (after flopping around screaming for a bit)

Friendly civilised fellows that look like a metre long horse head walking around on their vaguely manshaped tongue, nose down. Can't talk and walk at the same time you know old chap.

A massive flea which jumps to the moon. 

Cerebral parasite :
Athletes Feet:
A symbiotic fungus that tries to help out by growing 1d4 limbs to aid in whatever task you are trying to do. They are really good at legs. Doesn't really know how to get rid of the limbs once its grown them for you , out of you

Chimera :
Platonic :
It's an animal , but the perfect absolute version of that animal. After seeing it , regular versions of that animal have a deeply unsettling uncanny valley thing for you, causing nausea,  repulsion, and hives.

Cockatrice :
Eel of the Bone
It's a shy guy that slips inside people and curls around their bones. It's harmless there , what isn't harmless is the amount of things the Eel of the Bone knows and how their dreams tend to leak into other peoples  dreams. 
These dreams also tend to let people very concerned with various questions the Eel knows the answer to get dreams about where the Eel of the Bone currently is.
And  the Eel of the Bone is honour bound to answer 3 questions of anyone who finds it inside someone.

Injustice Crab:
Why this city things an iron crab with a morning star just walking around smashing things helps the crime rate no-one knows

Crab, Crayfish, Crocodile
The cross between these 3 is obviously a walking warmachine-mulcher.
The opposite of that is 
Candy Bird:
It's a small bird made of candy that wants you to eat it. If you do all your children will be overly large violent goons.

Demon :
The opposite of Demons is going to good natured household gods. . They move into a home, house or abode and make it better and harmonious. Except they are from the wrong dimension so it's not good at all.

-- Demogorgon 
This moonfaced mitten wearing fuzzipillar pig makes you your humble home a castle. A fastly vertically , physically impossible castle. All vertical distances are increased 1000 fold. All horizontal distances 20 fold. Outside dimensions remain the same. Archiplex then tends to start inviting all his friends over

-- Juiblex 
Looks like beakless puffin.
Makes microscopic things massive (dust mites, tardigrades, fungal spores) with irregular consistency. Embiggened things tend to get smart enough to form societys but the societys tend to be Lewis Carroll /Frank Baum /Candy Kingdom

-- Manes
Like a pinecone of noses, but dumber. Does the dumbest thing possible in any particular moment

-- Orcus
Like a beetle made from alien sex toys but the aliens are prudes . Proceeds to improve everything that could be understood as a tool . Improved tools function as 1d6 other tools, roll when use to determine which tool-function happens

-- Succubus
Vix: A hairy spring man. Sews hair seeds , making surfaces grow thick deep fur , hair, or antenna. 

-- Type I (Vrock) 
A snail made of smiles! Alternates between making vast hearty feasts out of formerly inedible objects and just chasing down and eating people (Chum calls this the "washing up")

-- Type II (Hezrou) 
An luminous translucent inchworm with hand puppet face. Finds people and returns their things. 78% of the time it's things you deliberately got rid of like diseases, cursed objects, hunting animals, hair, feces etc.

-- Type III (Glabrezu) 
A tongue flower. Gives useful advice for someone not quite you.

-- Type IV (Nalfeshnee, etc.) 
A snake on assorted wheels. What fun. Not fun at all. Digs holes through space linking  your home to places you really wish it wouldn't

-- Type V (Marilith, etc.) 
 Mary Poppins. It's Mary Poppins

-- Type VI (Balor, etc.) 
Someone who looks like your dad.
The first thing you kill in house occupied by Amylnam is always Amylnam. He looks so disappointed .

-- Yeenoghu (Demon Lord of Gnolls) 
The Mister :
Mister is very thin and she has long sharp nose. She means good , as she teaches all the animals to talk and think. It's your own fault if they then slaughter and eat you though

Saturday, 3 June 2017


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Because sunken loss fallacy  I love you all , I got this new scheme to keep them posts coming even though even though all my energy to make ideas coherent is being swept away into mystery holes (there is never any shortage of ideas, just the ability to focus on them on enough to get them out) , I ask people to tell me something I can talk about in 3 paragraphs 

(the other limited resource I have is the ability to restrain an idea from exploding into all directions until it's impossible to get out of my head spiritually like a fractal dog dick anchor hence this distinction)

Arnold K said "Go through the monster manual, look at each entry, and talk about what the opposite of each is."
he also said "Ape the style of another writer/blogger/celebrity" hence the blog title

So here it goes:

Aerial servant :
Alluvium Anarch: 
It's mass of cracks , discolouration , and textures that looks like nothing until , gestalt switch style, it sudden does, a howling fist face, a scowl , bestial messes. Maybe when they make elementals power golems and purge all the resentment and disobedience it winds being one these. They hate people rebuilding things, taking too long making plans in ruins, and have an entropy field as well as explosion fists.

Mason Squid: 
Endless making weird tube structures like Gaudi works. The songs produced by winds blowing across them tends to make weird animal migrations 

-Ant, giant- 
Miniphant. Adorable! 

Rumoured starfish. 
It's a starfish that grants wishes which everyone things they have heard someone find but is imprecise just where

Axe beak
Not a wolf, but a flying predatory maw with trailing hooked tails . It's also overly aggressive and unpredictable though 

Secret Men :
Small constructions of fearful children that protect them, as best as they can with their meagre abilitys

A  wheel of fingers , a servant and diplomat. Patronizing and gross.

A boneless toad, you can throw them it's gross.

A useless flying oaf

FleshCow: something that could look like a cow if you had never seen a cow and had only had one described to you by people that you hated listening to. It licks you into amorphous plasiticity 

Bear, Beaver, giant , Beetle, giant :
I'm getting sick of doing animals already , I'm combining all these into hideous chitin dam builder and the making it's opposite
Sickly Planter:
A snail that slime-grapples it's way around roof tops planting alien trees  . It's either a vandal, an artist, a terraformer ,rogue machine or some combination there of.
Arnaldo Pomodoro

The picture above, it's trying to dismantle everything so it can transport it to a better world. No-ones found the rebuilder though. Each side dismantles a different thing: Past, Mind, Mass, Properties, Potential, Context 

Black pudding
White Gas:
It's the mist that knocked everyone out (and up ) at the start of Village of The Damned

Blink dog
Mass Panther:
If you kept traumatizing a child with cats of a variety of sizes and then got them some crayons and paper , this is what they would draw. They can increase their gravity so trying to run away from them is like that nightmare most people have where they try to run but horrible impaired

except they can sew and they are field medics but also can sew eyes and mouths up if provoked or underpayed or insulted by being asked to sew up boring injurys

Brain mole:
Like a reverse voltron certain groups of people have limbs and muscles that sneak off at night and form one nuggety bastard and cruelly act like a cartoon bully challenging people to fights and pushing carts over. It will keep coming back unless the people that form its mass are found and murdered or separated by great distance


Bird hat

Drumming Spider Man. 

A happy whale tattoo that swims from skin to skin. Looks small but its far away. If you get its attention it will swim up close filling up the whole persons skin with the massive whale face. Knows a lot of things from it's journeys but is so good natured that it misinterprets everything far too positively.

Camel, wild
Polyps that you wear like gloves that have eyes on their/your fingers and let you see 30 seconds ago